I spend a lot of my free time daydreaming about my ideal life and all the things I want in the future. And then I get back to work, and I daydream about being able to lay in bed and daydream. When I noticed I was actually looking forward to daydreaming more than I was looking forward to my life, I knew something weird was up.
There’s nothing wrong with looking forward to something if it makes you feel good. But I realized that if I wanted to do something about this cycle, I would have to start looking forward to something that involved action.
Why don’t I want to take action?
Because I’m expecting WAY too much of myself all at once. The truth is, I don’t want everything to change all at once, because it would either require way more effort than would be comfortable (slash healthy), or a stroke of amazing luck (
and where’s the fun in that?). And what’s more, is I’m not even sure what I want, really, aside from a vague big picture.
All those little tasks, all those “next steps” that I’ve been ignoring–that’s where the magic is. That’s what I can manage, and anyway, that’s what builds the momentum for the change I’m seeking.
Even if I set my mind to accomplish some big shift and get started, what I want changes as I go. So, I might as well get used to confusion, as well as enjoy the process–and that’s a right now issue. How can I enjoy myself right now?
Right now, being productive feels good, and that means writing a song and having a shower.