Tag Archives: money

Project “Do Whatever I Want”

I’m’a woo-woo it up in hurr.

So I’ve been practising this whole law of attraction “releasing resistance” thing, and I think I’m getting pretty good at it. I’ve been giving some thought to where I want to head over the next couple months, and today I was putting together an itinerary. Toronto, then New York, then maybe Montreal… and I was working out my budget so that I’d feel financially secure while moving around.

I put so much effort into making it all work, moving the numbers around, and I finally thought: “Alright, all my expenses are accounted for and I feel good about all of them. I have a basic idea of where my income is coming from, and I know I’ll find it. Great! Now I just have to look for a job I can take with me on the road, sell a few paintings and watch my wallet.”

That sounded alright, but I really didn’t feel like updating my resume, interviews, blah blah blah, and all that crap. I contemplated what it would be like if I brought in zero income over the next couple months. I erased the number in the “Income” column on Excel. What was left didn’t scare me.

So what the hell am I doing all this work for? My attention to detail will only make my travel experience more limited, boxed, stressful, unfulfilling.

Then I had an idea:

Why don’t I just skip over the “making” it work part, and just “let” it work?

Why don’t I take the rest of 2012 to just freaking CHILL OUT and practice pleasing myself? I’ll spend my money on EVERYTHING I really want–but ONLY on what I really want.

Everytime I’ve wanted something so bad that I bought it even if I couldn’t afford it, the money has shown up when I needed it. It’s actually hilarious because the last big expense I made was $2000 on Marie Forleo’s RHH B-School, and I literally cried, with real tears, when I pressed the “Buy” button at the last possible second. Cash was really low. I think it was the very next day that I received notice from my accountant that I had $2000 coming at me in taxes that I had completely forgotten about. I’m fortunate here, in the sense that the thoughts I believe on this issue are clearly supporting me entirely, almost to the exact dollar.

So why am I still obsessed with Excel? Why am I still worried about getting a job, when my last one fell right into my lap (really, I wasn’t even looking for one) and was absolutely perfect for what I needed and wanted?

I’ve got some social conditioning hanging tight, methinks.

That’s okay, it’ll go away eventually. Because when I think of spending the next two months concentrating ONLY on my happiness and trusting that the money will come, there’s something that tells me I’m ready. It gets me so excited. I still have some resistance, some insecurity, but I think I feel more secure in this experiment than I feel insecure.

I’ve been telling myself this for a while: “I can live how I want to live NOW. I can feel how I want to feel NOW.”

Everything we desire is all for a feeling right? So why should I have to wait for things to show up? I don’t. I know how the mind works, I know how thoughts and beliefs work, and I know how to change them.

So how do I want to feel? I want to feel like I don’t have to work hard for my money. I want to feel like the money will come when I need it. Really, I don’t even want to think about money. I just want to live with joy and ease.

I won’t be splurging. I’ll be expressing my worthiness, I’ll be practising my trust in the universe, I’ll be practising the vibration I want to live with from now on.

I’ve done the math, and even if I get really stupid with my money, I’ll still have a little bit left. Next year is only two months away anyway, so there won’t be enough TIME before then to completely blow what I have. In any case, I have a general idea of how much I’m working with so I’ll likely notice right away if my spending’s getting out of hand, and if there’s an expense I wasn’t expecting, I can always at it to the spreadsheet to ease my worries.

But I’m not 100% good at this yet, so I want to examine the worst case scenario.

Worst case? I blow it all. What scares me about that?

1. Shame. I’m afraid that my parents, especially, will wave their I-told-you-so fingers. I’m afraid I’ll feel less worthy. Like a lazy parents’  basement-dwelling Gen-Yer. But you know, even as I type this, I realize how NOT likely this is. Admittedly, at one point I was more accustomed to having those thoughts, but that isn’t who I am anymore, and I can’t be less than I’ve become. I know my worth. I know that laziness is underrated. I know that my happiness doesn’t depend on my parents’ approval because there are so many thing I’m going to experience and they probably won’t even understand 90% of the amazing ones. And that’s okay.

2. Low cash. Being forced to take a job I don’t like and pretending to be someone I’m not. Being stuck in a city I’m bored of. Finding every day unbearable, like my life is wasting away. Being cooped up inside, apart from the sunshine. Again, even as I write this, I am coaching myself out of the fear. Even if I got down to $0, I could, first of all, call up my student loan people and tell them that I just don’t have the money this month, and they’ll have to deal with it. And they will. I could get an apartment in the city my sister or parents or friends live in, and save up for the next adventure. I know how to live, I know how to make it work, and with a cheap apartment or housesitting gig I could save up so fast I’d be outta there before I know it. I could full-time it and make a challenge out of seeing how fast I can save, or I can part-time it and make a couple friends. It’s all good, it’s all fun. The only real skill I need anyway is that of being happy despite what surrounds me, and I’m getting pretty ding dang good at that. If I do find my situation difficult, all that means is that I’ll be getting a lot of real good thought practice.

But the reason I want to do this is because I believe SO MUCH in the best case scenario. This is where I’m placing my bets:

I let go of enough resistance that the universe supports me in every way, and I end up with considerable and EASY profit at the end of the year. People show up at exactly the right time with great opportunities for me, I fall in deeper love with life, I trust and dance and laugh and sing EFFORTLESSLY and everything works out for me. Money shows up when I need it.  I find people along the way who are willing to pay for what I can teach or offer them, and it’s exhilarating. I keep learning about all that interests me, I keep growing, my environment fills with people and things that thrill me. I’m happy.

Freedom, ease, joy. This is what I want for my life, and I’m not willing to beat too much around the bush. It’s what my soul has been calling me towards, it’s the reason I can be stubborn and quirky and eccentric, it’s the reason people stare at me blankly and lost for words when I tell them I don’t “do” anything.

This’ll be fun!


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Making Money vs. Being Happy

Lately, I’ve been spending almost every second of my day thinking about what kind of business I want to start. Nothing feels right… but now I know why: I’m too focused on bringing things to me, rather than letting them flow from me. I don’t spend enough time making myself happy, giving myself what I need and developing the skills I can’t help but use.

For some reason, shifting my focus from money to myself feels dangerous–so I know I’ve hit something important, because that’s ridiculous. I decided to sit down with myself today to unravel a belief that was keeping me stuck:

:: If I were to make myself happy with no concern for money, I would experience a slow decline into bankruptcy.

In other words, if I were to focus on being happy and ignore the job search, the business start-up, and generally ways to bring money into my life, there would be not enough money coming in to support my spending, and I’d end up, ultimately, unhappy.

I don’t like this belief, and focusing on income is not how I want to live my life–but that’s exactly what I’ve been doing. I spend a lot of time thinking, but nothing gets past the brainstorm stage because nothing feels right. I don’t want this–I want to be happy, create effortlessly, and spend my time with people I love and in places that comfort & nourish me.

So, I’m trying to reprogram myself to believe something else.

Here we go:

:: Making myself happy benefits and provides value to others. Even though being happy is its own reward, when people truly benefit from something, they love to give in return.

:: Being on the happy path is being on my true path, and the universe conspires to support me on this path.

:: Not only that, but to be happy, I love creating things that people enjoy. So I should focus on making myself happy and creating value… and everything will flow back to me from there. 

So, this is what I have to do:

I need to start with being happy. That can mean thinking different thoughts, taking care of myself and spending time doing what I love doing.

I’ll always come across people who want something from me, but if I’m practised at being happy, I can quickly turn away whatever brings me out of that state, and I’ll also quickly recognize when I can draw from my favourite skill set to solve a problem–and I’ll be happy to do it. AND, the recipient will be more than happy to reward me. If they aren’t, then a long-term financial relationship isn’t in the stars anyway.

I’m realizing that I still need to figure out what makes me happy and which skills I love to use, even though I thought I had figured that out. I know this because in the coming months I have some wide open time… and I’m feeling a little bit afraid that without the responsibility & satisfaction of a job, I won’t know how to take care of myself.

And this is the MOST IMPORTANT part. We only truly have control and responsibility of our own lives, so this is where we need to place our focus. Most of us have grown up being taught and believing that we have a responsibility to be of service to others. And while that can certainly be satisfying, the spin-off of that is that somewhere inside, we believe that someone is going to save us. We wait for the true love, we wait for the perfect job opportunity, we wait for something to change, for our friends to be nicer to us, for our parents to stop nagging us, for happiness to come. It doesn’t work that way… we’ve got to create what we want.

And, I truly believe that the best way to heal & inspire anyone is to be an incredibly uplifting presence. The people who most inspire me are those who are tapped in to their own happiness and support themselves, and that’s why I believe that it’s possible for me. I love believing that I am responsible for me.

I also believe that we love to be of service to others, not only as an uplifter, but in many other ways. So you can’t make yourself truly happy without engaging and co-creating with others. And THEN… the money will come.

I need to spend less time thinking and scheming.

This is going to take trust, but if that’s what it takes to live passionately, I’m going to have to try it out.

Long story short:

Step 1 (all-time most important step): Light yourself up.
Step 2: Create, create, create, have fun.
Step 3: Pay attention to where you can be of service.
Step 4: If you’re inspired to, create, create, create, have fun.
Step 5: Money rolls in. 

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