I’ve been in a relationship with the same person while feeling a range of different ways about myself. And so, being told and shown that I am loved has made me feel a range of different things.
I have been shown love and it has bounced right off me because I didn’t feel it. I have been shown love and it has comforted me in the same kind of addictive way ice cream does, and I’ve gobbled it down hungrily instead of facing what was actually bothering me. The first situation is a bit of a tragedy, because the love is there but it isn’t being received. The second has the potential to get unhealthy by creating a giver-and-taker situation, because the taker’s soul doesn’t have the capacity to give anything in return.
I was thinking today that the really wonderful thing about having a partner is not that you get to be loved, but that you have the opportunity to love. It’s in moments of loving, of simply imagining him and feeling fuzzy for example, that I realize I’m not thinking about myself anymore, I’m thinking about him. This might happen because I’m just feeling and thinking less things about myself altogether, but I do think that being genuinely happy with who you are, as infrequent as it may be, expands your capacity for loving others. Being loved in those moments is just extra.
It’s like we’ve all been getting it wrong. I know for sure that I’ve been in a place where my primary desire was to find a great romance. I just find it interesting now that the best thing about my relationship is being able to love him.
It’s funny though, because if loving is the best part of a relationship, and loving is free and loving is legal, you could teeeeechnically do that without being in a relationship, right?
Not willing to test it out just yet though. 🙂